A new picture

I have a new picture to describe to you! It's called "West Texas." In light tans and redish browns, I made a desert scene with a cactus in the center. I once saw a book that was called "Texas Skies" or something. I was thinking of that book and also of a cover of a book I once saw by Larry McMurtry. I don't remember the title, but I was thinking about it. More than half of the paper is sky. I mixed three blues to get it. Right above the redish hills and plateau in the background of the cactus, begins a light blue that then blends into a slightly darker blue, which then blends into the second darkest blue I have. The cactus has two shades of green that make it whole. A light green and a junglish green. There are two tiny whisps of clouds in the sky, one is to the upper left and the other to the middle right. Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading.

Awaiting a New School Year

My first class for the fall semester of 2004 is the 24th! It isn't going to be the best year I'm sure, but I'll try to make it a little better than last year. It might be a little bit fun . . . somehow. I hope that I won't really meet any new people. I mean, I live over an hour away, so it will be hard to maintain friendships with people there. I guess I'll stick with the new people we've met here. They're all pretty cool.

Donald is scheduled to go back to Iraq anywhere between Sept. 2004 and June 2005. Every day that goes by is like another thick needle in my body. I mean, after everything we had to overcome to get to where we are right now . . . and he's going to leave again. Ah, the life of an
Army wife. I keep thinking about how bad it is getting over there. Last night, some of his friends came over and drank with us. They started talking about how it was over there and how the two newbies were going to hate it there. It's so hard to imagine what someone could do to maintain mental health in war. How could you deal with being told to kill and going through with it? How could you come home and re-adjust to the world you left behind? Obviously, it isn't easy to do it.

I really hate them taking him away again. I mean, we just started to get back into the groove of things. I hate them. I mean, of course I support the troops over there. It isn't their fault that they're there. I just can't understand how human lives are worth this crap. I understand that we took a hard blow from them. I understand that we couldn't just stand by and let them take us like that without some kind of punishment, but why send troops to a country that had little to do with it? Afghanistan, okay, but . . . nevermind. I'm getting too upset over things that are out of my control. Out of my control . . . I hate that.

I should stop writing. See ya soon! Bye! Thanks for reading!

another poetry.com publication...

I guess getting "published" again is cool. According to poetry.com, I've got about five or six publications. All of them are either on CD or in hard-cover poetry compilations. If you'd like to see them, go to poetry.com and type in Jesseka D Villarreal or Jesseka Villarreal-Apelo. Enjoy what you find. I've got nothing more to say. Bye for now.

Memories

I was thinking a lot about how I grew up, today. I went over and over it in my head. I cried a lot when I was growing up, but as soon as I left my parents' house, life was better. I felt needed and wanted. I even felt loved at some friends' houses. I had myself kind of adopted by other families that actually wanted me around. There was this one family that lived two houses down from this house I spent most of my life in. They have to have been the best family ever. They hid me from my dad. They stuck up for me when I couldn't do it myself. When I ran away after being beaten, they fixed me up and watched over me. They even offered to let me move in, but I never did. I really wanted to, though. They treated me like family.

Other than them, I think I've had one other family treat me like their own. My best friend of fourteen years and her family. My older brother and her older brother used to have to baby-sit us. They tortured us like nothing else. She and I would watch horror movies because we really liked them, and they would turn off the lights and tape knives to their fingers, or put on masks, or hide in closets with clown wigs on. We ran out of the apartment once all the way to the back of the apartments and hid in the laundry facility there. They were horrible to us, but we knew they cared.

I think that when I start to realize just how much of my childhood I missed out on-the feeling of carelessness, the lack of responsibility, knowing that mommy and daddy were always going to be there, feeling as if they even missed you when you were away-I missed all of that. I get sad sometimes, but then I think that maybe missing out on it made me stronger. Maybe it made me able to adjust to things better than someone who had that constant reassurance. Maybe it made me a wiser person because I know not to take things for granted or something along those lines. Maybe I'm just hurt by my parents lack of parenting and I wish I could be someone else. I don't know. Maybe I'm tired and need to get some sleep. Good-night, for now. Sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares.

I finally finished it!

About a year ago, I started a collage of pictures of Kurt Donald Cobain. I finished it a few minutes ago. I love it! In the center, it says, "'IN MY HEAD, I'M SO UGLY.' KURT D. COBAIN." Then there are fifteen pictures that I arranged around it. In the upper left hand corner, I wrote, "Rest In Peace 1967-1994" in light and dark-grey pastels on black construction paper. I like it a lot. All in all, I had a great day. It's a nice break from all the drama, lately. Maybe things are really getting better for me. That would be cool. Well, I better go to sleep to find out, huh? Good-night. Sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares. Thanks for reading. Bye.

SHAZZAM!

OH YEAH! WHO'S BAD??? I'M BAD! THAT'S RIGHT, BABY!!!! GET THIS: IN ONE HUNDRED SIX SECONDS (106), I RECEIVED A SCORE OF 7255 IN SOLITAIRE!!!!
Wow, what a rush. My fingers were moving on the little mouse pad thing all over the place. I didn't think I was going to break my old score or time, but SHAZZAM, I did!!!! This day just keeps getting better and better! First, a friend from out-of-state is coming down. Then, I bust open my old score AND my old time!!! What's next? Will I get a new CD or something??? Wow! I guess that's all! HAVE A GREAT DAY!
Thanks for reading!

holy . . . who's idea was it to make reality TV?

so, i watched that show trading spouses, and it had to be the worst show i've ever seen. well, one of the top ten. number one is road rules. i hate that show.

this commercial is hilarious! it's a car commercial (nissan murano). it has this old black guy talking and he's got a louisiana accent. he sounded like . . . that guy from the Zattaran's commercial. heh, heh, heh. good times.

anyway, . . . i hate reality TV. i guess that's it. bye. thanks for reading.

wow, it's late.

Yeah it is. It's late. I bought The Sims Mega Deluxe five pack. It has The Sims Deluxe, Livin' Large, Hot Date, and . . . uh . . . House Party in it. It's different from the regular Sims just because it gives you more options of furniture, physical looks, you can take a cab into Downtown and go to the different places there to meet new people . . . it's just different. It keeps me busy when I'd like to be busy. I've got like two good new pictures to put in frames. I drew three others, but they really sucked, so I threw them out.

The one that I really like is on light-blue construction paper, and when I drew it, it was storming really hard here. I was kind of sad on that day, so I'm sure that's why I used the colors that I did. I colored light-grey on the paper, to cover it. Then I went back over it and used dark-grey to seem like rain clouds, I guess. I smeared in some white to add some regular clouds. Then I made a medium-sized red dot in the center. Around it I made black flower petals that are kind of shaped like flames. They're solid black, though. I smeared the petals, and then smeared the red dot in a circular pattern that made an almost auora-like outline around it. I like that a lot. I had to go around the red and black "flower" with light-grey to accent the petals more. I know they're black, but I needed them to stand out, almost coming out of the picture. I'm tired of my drawings being so two-dimensional. I'm starting to feel two-dimensional, so I'll fix that starting with my pictures. Anyway, back to my picture. I went back over my grey background with an extremely light-blue to bring out the fact that it was supposed to be a sky. It looks like it, but it also looks like it could be murky water or something. I like that idea, too. I finally got around to naming it and I decided on "Drowning and Floating." If you don't like it, I don't care.

My second one is pretty simple. It's on black paper, like a portrait, and is called "Burn." Half of it represents the sun. Well, it IS the sun. I used yellows, oranges, and some of the reds; more orange than red, though. I made a lot of flares come out of it, like some kid might draw. They reach up the paper, almost to the top, but then stop. With white, I made little wavy lines coming out of it, like steam. I've been feeling a lot like the flares, lately; like I can almost reach the top, but I know I won't. Whatever. There are my two latest. I want to get rid of one of my pictures. I don't know what to do with it. I was thinking of giving it to someone, but it would have to be someone incredibly special, so I'm not sure if I want to have to sit and think about it.

My nose is all runny. I think I'm sick. I wish I could sleep. Crap, this sucks. I keep having bad dreams. It's weird. I dunno, maybe I just need a harder cigarrette. Heh, that would be cool. I think I might take up the old Lucky Strikes. I liked them. They're expensive and hard to find around here, but I liked them. The next time I but cigs, I'll find some and try it out. If it helps, then HAZZAH I've found it! Also, I'm going to get a skateboard so I can tag along with Donald more often and not have to follow in a car.

I skated at the Y(MCA) here this past week. I can do absolutely nothing, but roll. I can go back and forth on the little half-pipe there a little bit. I want to get better at it, so that I don't just sit around and watch anymore. Dakota and Donald should be good teachers. Dakota laughed at me a lot and I haven't really mentioned to Donald that I want to get a board yet, but I will. I'm sure he'll be okay with it. He's asked me if I wanted to get one before, so he should be on-board with the idea.

We got some late wedding gifts from people so, now, we have a little DVD holding case that looks a lot like a book case, some new frames, wine glasses, a lamp, a crock pot, and some more glasses. I really like the wine glasses. Donald thinks that we should take them back and wait to get crystal wine glasses. I don't know why he thinks we can afford them, but he does. It would be cool to have real crystal. We could make that little "woo" sound they make when you run your finger around the top of the glass. I love that sound. Ever since I heard it on War of the Roses, I've wanted to have those glasses.

School starts August 23. Wow, that's like right around the corner. I hope I'm ready for this semester. I'm sure I'll be fine. If for some reason I turn out to be less than fine, I'll figure something out. I'm good at that, I guess. Well, now that it's later than when I started, I'll stop typing and start playing Sims or I'll go find a cool site to check out. Bye.
Thanks for reading!