Memories

I was thinking a lot about how I grew up, today. I went over and over it in my head. I cried a lot when I was growing up, but as soon as I left my parents' house, life was better. I felt needed and wanted. I even felt loved at some friends' houses. I had myself kind of adopted by other families that actually wanted me around. There was this one family that lived two houses down from this house I spent most of my life in. They have to have been the best family ever. They hid me from my dad. They stuck up for me when I couldn't do it myself. When I ran away after being beaten, they fixed me up and watched over me. They even offered to let me move in, but I never did. I really wanted to, though. They treated me like family.

Other than them, I think I've had one other family treat me like their own. My best friend of fourteen years and her family. My older brother and her older brother used to have to baby-sit us. They tortured us like nothing else. She and I would watch horror movies because we really liked them, and they would turn off the lights and tape knives to their fingers, or put on masks, or hide in closets with clown wigs on. We ran out of the apartment once all the way to the back of the apartments and hid in the laundry facility there. They were horrible to us, but we knew they cared.

I think that when I start to realize just how much of my childhood I missed out on-the feeling of carelessness, the lack of responsibility, knowing that mommy and daddy were always going to be there, feeling as if they even missed you when you were away-I missed all of that. I get sad sometimes, but then I think that maybe missing out on it made me stronger. Maybe it made me able to adjust to things better than someone who had that constant reassurance. Maybe it made me a wiser person because I know not to take things for granted or something along those lines. Maybe I'm just hurt by my parents lack of parenting and I wish I could be someone else. I don't know. Maybe I'm tired and need to get some sleep. Good-night, for now. Sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares.